關於初一幽默英語笑話

　　近些年,冷笑話作為一種特殊的幽默方式在網際網路、電視節目、書籍雜誌上廣泛流傳。小編分享，希望可以幫助大家!

　　：I Lost 我輸了

　　It was at a five o’clock tea. A young man came to the hostess to apologize for his lateness.

　　“So good of you to come， Mr.Jones，and where is your brother?”

　　“You see we're very busy in the office and only one of us could come，so we tossed up for it.”

　　“How nice!And so original， too! And you won?”

　　“No，” said the young man absently，“I lost.”

　　五點鐘，下午茶的時間，一個年輕人因為遲到向女主人致歉。

　　“您能來可真好，瓊斯先生，您的兄弟在哪兒呢?”

　　“您知道我們在辦公室裡有非常忙，我們倆只能來一個，所以就擲幣來決定由誰來。”

　　“太有意思了!還那麼有獨創性!那您贏了?”

　　“不，”年輕人心不在焉地說，“我輸了。”

　　：外語的重要性

　　A cat and her four kittens ran into a large dog. When the kittens cowered, the cat let out a series of loud barks, scaring the dog away.

　　Turning to her kittens, the cat said, "You see how important it is to know a second language."

　　一天，一隻貓媽媽領著4只小貓在路上走，卻遇到了一隻大狗。小貓們嚇的蜷縮成了一團，這時貓媽媽吼出了一連串的汪汪聲，大狗被嚇跑了。貓媽媽轉過身來對幾個小貓說，“孩子們，看看掌握一門外語是多麼的重要呀!”

　　：Headstone "Strange"的墓石

　　A lawyer named Strange was shopping for a tombstone. After he had made his selection, the stonecutter asked him what inscription he would like on it. "Here lies an honest man and a lawyer," responded the lawyer. "Sorry, but I can't do that," replied the stonecutter. "In this state, it's against the law to bury two people in the same grave. However, I could put ``here lies an honest lawyer" "But that won't let people know who it is" protested the lawyer. "Certainly will," retorted the stonecutter. "people will read it and exclaim, "That's Strange!"

　　一個姓Strange的律師去買墓碑。他選好了以後，石匠問他，要在墓碑上刻什麼碑銘。律師回答：“這裡長眠著一個誠實的人，一個律師。”“對不起，我辦不到，”石匠說，“要是這樣的話，違反了一個墳墓只能埋葬一個人的法律。不過，我會刻上：‘這裡長眠著一位誠實的律師’。” 律師抗議：“但是那樣人們就不知道這裡埋葬的是誰啊!”“當然知道啦，”石匠反駁道，“人們看到會驚呼‘太奇怪了!’”

　　：The bear and the rabbit 熊和兔子

　　There once was a bear and a rabbit that hated each other. One day, they found a genie***神***in a lamp who said he would grant them each three wishes. The bear went first and he said,” I wish to be the only male bear in this forest." And he got his wish.

　　The rabbit said, "I want a motorcycle helmet.***摩托車安全帽***" And he got his wish.

　　The bear went up and said, "I wish to be the only male bear in the United States, and all the rest to be female." And he got his wish.

　　The rabbit said, "I wish I had a motorcycle to go with that helmet***頭盔;鋼盔;帽盔;安全帽***." And he got his wish.

　　The bear said, "I wish I was the only male bear in the world, and all the rest were females." And he got his wish.

　　It was the rabbit's turn, and he said, "I wish that bear was gay***男同性戀***."

　　：MOSES & JESUS 摩西和耶穌

　　A burglar breaks into a house. He sees a CD player that he wants so he takes it. Then he hears a voice "JESUS is watching you". He looks around with his flashlight wandering "What The HELL Was That?". He spots some $ on a table and takes it......Once again he hears a voice " JESUS is watching you". He hides in a corner trying to find where the voice came from. He spots a birdcage with a parrot in it! He goes over and asks " Was that your voice?". It said "YES". He then says "What's your name?". It says "MOSES". The burglar says " What kind of person names his bird moses??" The parrot replys "THE SAME PERSON THAT NAMES HIS Rottweiler "JESUS".

　　一個竊賊潛入一戶人家。他看到一個喜歡的CD機，他趕緊拿了。就在這個時候他聽到有人說：“耶穌正在看著你。”他照著手電看來看去，嘀咕著：“到底是什麼人在說話?”這時，他看到桌子上有些錢，他又拿了。。。那聲音又來了：“耶穌正在看著你。”他躲到一個角落，想找出是誰在說話。結果看到一隻鸚鵡，於是他問鸚鵡：“是你在說話嗎?”鸚鵡承認了。 小賊說：“你叫什麼名字?”“摩西”。小賊說：“什麼人給鳥取這種名字?”鸚鵡回答：“就是那個給他的羅威那犬取名為‘耶穌’的那個人啊。”