關於經典英文笑話欣賞

　　笑話是日常生活中常見的一種幽默。與一般日常會話不同,笑話刻意違反合作原則,由此衍生出會話含意,並利用會話含意之間的衝突實現其預定功能。小編整理了關於經典英文笑話，歡迎閱讀!

　　關於經典英文笑話：Career's Day

　　It's Career Day at school and the teacher is having the students stand up, state their parents' occupation, and then spell it.

　　Davie stands up and says, "My dad's a doctor. And that's D O C T O R. Doctor."

　　"Very good," the teacher says to Davie. "Mike?"

　　Mike stands up. "My mom's a lawyer. L A W Y E R. Lawyer."

　　"Excellent. Bruce?"

　　Bruce gets up and says, "Uhh, my daddy, he be one of dem 'sheet metal workers. Dat's S H I . . . "

　　"Ummm, no, Bruce," the teacher corrects, "That's not the way you spell it. Try it again."

　　"Uhhh, 'Sheet Metal Worker.' S H I . . . "

　　"Tell you what, Bruce, why don't you go up to the board and spell it out up there. Little Kevin, your turn."

　　Little Kevin watches Bruce shuffle off to the blackboard. "Well, my dad's a bookie and I can't spell that. But I can give you two to one odds that Bruce spells 'shit' when he gets up to the blackboard."

　　關於經典英文笑話：Like A Dog

　　It had taken him several months, but the executive vice president had finally persuaded his new secretary to bend over the back of his leather couch and allow him to have sex with her that way.

　　"And just where have you been until this hour?" demanded his wife, when the wayward husband finally arrived home.

　　"Down at the office." he replied, "Working like a dog."

　　關於經典英文笑話：Missing

　　The boss of a big company who needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper, "Hello."

　　"Is your daddy home?" he asked.

　　"Yes," whispered the small voice.

　　"May I talk with him?"

　　The child whispered, "No."

　　Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your mommy there?"

　　"Yes."

　　"May I talk with her?"

　　Again the small voice whispered, "No."

　　Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there?"

　　"Yes," whispered the child, "a policeman."

　　Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman?"

　　"No, he's busy," whispered the child.

　　"Busy doing what?"

　　"Talking to Daddy and Mommy and the Fireman," came the whispered answer.

　　Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the ear piece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise?"

　　"A hello-copper" answered the whispering voice.

　　"What is going on there?" asked the boss, now alarmed.

　　In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper."

　　Alarmed, concerned, and even more then just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for?"

　　Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle: "ME"

　　關於經典英文笑話： Fun At Your Local Pool

　　Stand on top of the high board and say you won't come down until your demands are met.

　　Tell the lifeguards that they aren't doing their jobs because you have seen at least 15 people drown today.

　　Ask people if they have seen your pet shark.

　　Sit in the baby pool and play with the toys.

　　Take a flutter board and pretend you can't swim.

　　Hit strangers with your flutter board.

　　Ask an attractive lifeguard to practise CPR on you.

　　Sit in front of a water jet, make moaning sounds and say, ''Oh yeah... oooh that feels soooo good....''

　　Sit on the top of the water slide and don't move.

　　Swim near a stranger and go ''Dammit I knew I shouldn't have had watermelon before I came here.''

　　Insist that you saw a monster at the bottom of the pool.

　　Pretend to drown and then when someone tries to help you, say ''HA-HA, fooled you!''

　　Scream as someone is trying to do something when jumping off of a diving board.

　　Laugh at fat people in swimsuits.

　　Tell people you saw the lifeguard pissing in the pool.

　　Ask a lifeguard if skinny-dipping is allowed.

　　Try to negotiate the price of getting in.

　　Take a really long time when you are on top of the high dive and then act as though you were pushed off.

　　When in line, ask strangers if they think invisble people get a discount.

　　Take your towel, tie it around your shoulders and say ''Wheee! I'm Batman!'' while running around.

　　Hit strangers with your wet towel.

　　Throw people's things into the pool.

　　Sing and dance on top of the dinving board, then do a belly-flop as your grande-finale.

　　Play Marco-Polo by yourself.

　　Ask small children if they have seen any suspicious-looking sea monsters lately.

　　關於經典英文笑話：Glossary Of PC Messages

　　It says: "Press Any Key" It means: "Press any key you like but I'm not moving."

　　It says: "Press A Key" ***This one's a programmers joke. Nothing happens unless you press the "A" key.***

　　It says: "Fatal Error. Please contact technical support quoting error no. 1A4-2546512430E" It means: "... where you will be kept on hold for 10 minutes, only to be told that it's a hardware problem."

　　It says: "Installing program to C:...." It means: "... And I'll also be writing a few files into c:windows and c:windowssystem where you'll NEVER find them."

　　It says: "Please insert disk 11" It means: "Because I know darn well there are only 10 disks."

　　It says: "Cannot read from drive D:...." It means: "... However, if you put the CD in right side up..."

　　It says: "Please Wait...." It means: "... Indefinitely."

　　It says: "Directory does not exist...." It means: ".... any more. Whoops."

　　It says: "The application caused an error. Choose Ignore or Close." It means: "....Makes no difference to me, you're still not getting your work back."